why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dick has a subreddit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
