The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
