I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
