I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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