White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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