Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
