last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
