why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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