low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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