Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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