If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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