It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
