Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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