it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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