He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
