Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
