hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
