well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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