glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
