literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
