You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
