how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
