need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
