best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize