We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
