i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
