Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
