Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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