escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
