I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize