day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
