did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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