please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
