i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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