If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
