haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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