pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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