I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
