The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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