The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
