so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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