Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
