there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
