where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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