I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
