at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
