I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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