4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
