why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
