and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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