I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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