it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize