Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
