I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
