i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
