it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
