I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
