smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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