I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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