good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
