i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Come on in and take your pants off
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