I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can Purell be used as lube?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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