Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
