AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
