You're so nebulous sometimes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize