we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
