he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
