i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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