Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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